Project The Next Century

Trout Fishing in Data Centers and "Where's Mitch?"

Sorry for the long absence. Since you last heard from me, bunches of things happened. My leg eventually healed. I found myself banned from my favorite music camp for simply being too “neuro-spicy” (apparently Boomers are not allowed to use that term), and am still up to my ears in contractors as we continue on the deferred maintenance and some additions to the outside such as extending the front deck, a concrete patio, and a coat of paint. Watch where you walk outside so that you don’t trip over all the concrete forms and supports.

I was way too sedentary this winter. A fellow paleontologist partner-in-crime reports that they are naming some sessile annelid worm after me. These polychaetes attach themselves to the rocks like a barnacle and never go out to travel or see a play or an opera or visit friends, and are frustrating to the other creatures in the tide pool. Thus the naming of this creature - who once lived in the muck in the bottom of the ocean and is now thankfully extinct - seems highly appropriate. My friend Jim really didn’t need to ask for permission. It’s an honor and this will be #2. Perhaps this will cure me of my Bipolychaetectomy condition. I am wondering if they make an alcohol-free Beer Milkshake (a few of you will get this).

I haven’t spent more than about 2 days working on any woodwinds since last year in the late spring. I haven’t been playing any music, composing any opera, or even listening to any music other than the constant repeating earworms such as this one from Sesame Street (Caution!):

So I figured out something important that affects us all recently. Stay with me here.

Where’s Mitch?

People are also asking “Why do we suddenly need all of these massive Data Centers?” Part of that is that it will be harder in terms of getting permits etc. when the Democrats take over everywhere in January, assuming we are successful this fall (I expect the opposite foot-shooting).

The mystery of Missing Mitch is directly related to data centers.

It was recently reported that they found the Turtle unconscious, having suffered a Widowmaker. He was functionally dead (now I only mean in the clinical sense…) and they revived him enough to admit him to the ICU. Or so they claim. I suspect they stuck him in the freezer. Everyone is wondering how someone in his condition could survive and now it has been several days in the ICU. The chances are in the single digits.

I suspect they never revived him.

The thing that most people fail to understand is that Taxidermy takes forever. Quoting this source - see https://www.animalartistry.com/blog/why-does-taxidermy-take-so-long :

”With an industry standard anywhere from eight months to two and even three years, taxidermy is a master class in patience. Unfortunately, the length of time it takes to get a trophy back from a taxidermy studio is often long and frustrating. But why does taxidermy take so long? It’s often as simple as poor management and insufficient business savvy. ”

You can bet that just like the contractor they hired for the Reflecting Pool that they did yet another No Bid Contract with some MAGA supporter who runs his taxidermy outfit in the wilds of Florida - whose clients are mostly poachers and trillionaires - to build the one that they will insert into Mitch’s carcass.

But what does this have to do with data centers? It’s complicated - just bear with me for a little bit more. I know I go on and on.

Taxidermy is complicated when it also involves the implantation of some special hardware. Animatronics are mechanical puppets controlled by electronics to create lifelike movements, often used in films, theme parks, and other entertainment venues such as the US Congress and the Supremes.

People are familiar with the Animatronic Dinosaurs that travel to science museums. They were trying to hire a new curator at a museum in San Francisco when these were on display, moving slowly and looking menacing. Part of the interview for the new curator was for all the curatorial staff to walk the candidate around the museum. As they were passing by these, one of the more brilliant candidates made the astute observation, stating “None of these dinosaurs have a Vent”. If you have never raised chickens the Vent is the place where the eggs come out, along with the major reason why you should always wash them and your hands after handling.

A little while later as they were strolling past another part of the big animatronic dinosaur exhibit this candidate added “Now we know why they got so big!” My friend Rich wanted to hire him on the spot! Unfortunately they went with someone else.

Converting most of our aging Republican Politician Population into Animatrons or really Cyborgs with the motto Resistance is Futile (they’ll obviously leave out the assimilation part) is the backbone of the Heritage Foundation’s Project: The Next Century. The scientists at Palantir are hard at work building and testing the cybernetic implants for our poor old and dearly departed McTurtle and hope to have it ready soon so that Mitch can keep his seat on the Senate (even this late that would be a slam dunk for him. Kentucky - ugh!) and rise up to become the Senate Majority Leader again.

All that is required is the basic functionality of that Deer-in-the-Headlights stare, and always pushing the Right Wing lever for everything the Republicans and the President want. Actually instead of a heart attack, I am now wondering if this was done a while back. Observe that frequently Mitch suddenly stops mid sentence. This may simply be a Buffering problem or some kind of software glitch.

But again, where do these Data Centers and the rush to build these fit in?

They have been developing this technology a long time and the near-sentiency of AI is indeed exciting and frightening. They’ve been prototyping these animatronic implants for Republican Politicians only for a long time, starting first with the late Senator Chuck Grassley who passed away way back during the Dot Com collapse of the late 1990s. Chuck has been dead for years - it’s just that nobody has bothered to tell him this fact.

Here is the Data Center link, finally! Running the new Mitch McConnell V2.0 Animatron will require a massive data center to be built right on the mall. These cyborgs require it. Thus they are planning on razing the Jefferson Wing of the Library of Congress where Madison’s Glass Flute is on display to the ground and building a 20 story data center right there. They will be using the Reflecting Pool as the water source, assuming they solve the algae problem, Or perhaps the Green Slime is a necessary element.

Demolition begins September 1st. The cutting down of the Cherry Trees that the Japanese gifted us 100 years ago to build the National Trump Golf Course on the Mall starts that day - and is simply intended as a distraction. The Jefferson Wing is old anyway and nobody needs to see all that Constitional Porn up on the walls. You can’t even get into the Jefferson Library and check out the books from Tom’s library and the books are all out of date, except for the Bibles. It’s worthless and they don’t charge enough for admission. Who needs it - or the Cherry Trees for that matter? They won’t even bother to empty the museum when they start demolishing it as it costs way too much to store things such as all those flutes in the flute vault. They won’t even let anyone play the flutes and doing so without permission is a Federal Crime (this is actually true!). It all has to go away. They will use it to fill in the Reflecting Pool (at that point they will pump the water straight out of the Potomac), solving that problem. Antifa and their Razors can go elsewhere. Communists!

The Core Value of Project: The Next Century is to turn all of the current crop of Republican Politicians - from the President, his Cabinet, the Supremes and Congress all the way down to your County Commissioner or equivalent into Republican Animatronic Cyborgs who will remain in power for the next 100 years, as Trump himself hinted a few days previously. Oh, and they will also do this for the trillionaires as well when they expire. Or perhaps sooner.

Running all of these taxidermied AI-driven robots will require huge data centers everywhere. They are hoping to build these out in time for the 2028 election cycle. It is crucial for them to keep Trump in office past 2028 and for another hundred years. Meanwhile, expect Mitch to reappear miraculously like Lazarus and resume his seat. I recently heard that they are not going to fix that glitch where he stops talking and responding. Instead, this is his best feature.

Alas! We were promised Jet Packs. We face a dystopian future of being tortured and terrified by Fascist MAGA Cyborgs who will bully us and eventually deport all of us to the lithium mines in Greenland. I really thought that we would in the future be living our happy work-free lives all watched over by machines of loving grace.

Poetic Coda:

All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace
by Richard Brautigan

I like to think (and
the sooner the better!)
of a cybernetic meadow
where mammels and computers
live together in mutually
programming harmony
like pure water
touching clear sky.

I like to think
(right now, please!)
of a cybernetic forest
filled with pines and electronics
where deer stroll peacefully
past computers
as if they were flowers
with spinning blossoms.

I like to think
(it has to be!)
of a cybernetic ecology
where we are free of our labors
and joined back to nature,
returned to our mammal
brothers and sisters,
and all watched over
by machines of loving grace.